25 things restaurant owners should never do
Feb/102
Awhile back, I wrote about Bruce Buschel’s New York Times article on the 100 things restaurant staff should never do and the sometimes vitriolic debate surrounding the piece. Quite rightly, a lot of folks felt the list was pretentious and Buschel’s lack of experience certainly didn’t help matters.
He was roundly mocked by many people in the industry (and quite a few patrons) but just as many clueless freaks chimed in with support proving to me that a large segment of the population clearly has no idea how challenging it can sometimes be to a good server.
While I’m no hater (hell, at least a third of Buschel’s advice was solid) everything else he said left me with flashbacks to the motley assortment of owners and managers that I’ve had the misfortune of working with. Like many things in life, the service industry has far more bad eggs than good ones and it gets stinkier the higher you look.
Leaving aside the bickering between staff and guests (some things never change) and a certain segment of the workforce that will never amount to anything (I like to call them “the doomed”) the blame for staff performing poorly can almost entirely be laid at the feet of the owners and those power-hungry assholes they hire to manage their venue for them.
Training is clearly lacking here and while I’d like nothing better than to put together a helpful, concise training manual nobody who matters is going to pay attention and it’s way more to fun to right a shit-list of no-nos anyway…
And so, I present the twenty-five things restaurant owners should never do (I initially considered adding seventy-five more but there’s something to be said for brevity). A lot of this applies to managers as well and quite frankly, I see no harm in lumping ‘em all in together. To my mind, if the manager sucks, the owner’s either not much better or wilfully ignorant.
1. Don’t charge your staff for food while eating whatever you want. Sure you might have paid for it but they’re hungry too and if they’re working a long shift, they should get something at some point. This doesn’t mean you have to give ‘em the steak but leftovers are fair game. Pasta’s cheap. If they want to order something off of the menu, give ‘em a discount.
2. Also, get your staff a drink when they’re done. This doesn’t mean the night-cleaners are going to find you guys sprawled out in a booth in the middle of a high-stakes poker game (but that can be fun every once in awhile). Offered food and drink will cut down on casual theft and they will feel appreciated.
At this point, a cheap owner will exclaim that they can’t afford to do this every night to which I call bullshit. Man up. Show your staff that you’re with ‘em in good times and bad.
3. Everyone has things that get on their nerves but there’s no need to rub it in. Regarding procedures it’s all important but obsessing about clean glassware, table-placement or elbows on the bar will annoy your staff and they’ll cut corners elsewhere. Think big picture but remain detail-oriented.
4. Leave the tables alone! Any decent server will be closely monitoring their section and when you come in and ask their guests how they’re doing for the third time, you’re interrupting the flow of their night and our steps-of-service!
5. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with getting involved if you know the table or if something’s gone horribly wrong but even if the server’s fucking up, go to them first. I can’t think of anything that will make it more apparent to your guests that you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.
6. For that matter, don’t take orders unless the server asks you for help and if you do, don’t forget to tell them. Even better, go pick up that drink if the server is busy with another table, they’ll love you for it and your guests will appreciate the hands-on touch.
7. No special, eight-course tasting menus at the last minute for that table of VIPs without covering it at the beginning of the shift! Nobody likes surprises and both sides of the house will hate you if you spring this kind of shit on ‘em.
8. Too much white puts you in the red. Coke and booze can be fun but when you take a break during the dinner rush for a line in your office, you’re sending the wrong message to your staff. Wait till after close and share.
9. Don’t give away too much free shit to your guests. They won’t appreciate it and when you run out of money, they’ll do nothing more than shake their head and reminisce about the good days.
10. On a related note, if you do invite your friends to dinner to show off your restaurant and you’re going to promo their meal, make sure they know that they’re supposed to tip. They’ll be gone by the end of the night but you’ll still look bad.
11. Don’t piss off your regulars! They’re your bread-and-butter and when you mess with what they like about your place, you’re saying you don’t care whether they come or not (and guess what, they won’t).
12. If you’re contracting with an outside performer or company, be sure to get back to them with all of the information they might need in a timely fashion, assumptions being related to fuck-ups and all. Contracting will always necessitate extra work but it can be worth it if you’re prepared.
13. Just because your potential staff may be unaware of labor laws doesn’t give you the right to screw with them. Minimum wage is there for a reason. Pace of business notwithstanding, your staff deserve breaks, should get a decent night’s sleep before their next shift and shouldn’t have to perform any tasks they’re not comfortable doing.
14. Trying to get a cut of their tips through devious means such as breakage, walkouts or “house tips” has no place in any establishment. These are called “the costs of doing business” and you’re responsible for ‘em.
15. Don’t pretend that the idea of the servers tipping out the kitchen and bussers has anything to do with your egalitarian notions of sharing the wealth. Those guys deserve a proper wage from you and if the servers want to give ‘em a little extra, that’s their prerogative. It’s no secret that proper wages and longer periods of employment will make everyone richer and happier.
16. Your staff aren’t responsible for promoting your business. There’s a big difference between having them let their guests know about upcoming events and the specials that day and being forced to join a Facebook group where they have to invite all of their friends or risk punishment.
17. Collecting e-mail addresses from guests should be voluntary. Forcing minimum quotas on your staff is demeaning to them and irritating for your regulars.
18. Don’t schedule three staff for a day-shift when you know you only need two and then force the other unlucky bugger to clean and organize inventory all day (unless you’re going to make it up to them by bumping them up to a laborer wage).
19. Daily meetings are not a cattle call for who will get a section that day. Schedule fairly and appropriately. If you treat your staff well, you might even get them coming in on their day off when you’re really in a bind.
20. As an owner/manager, you should never be handling your staff’s cashouts until they’re done with them. They might become suspicious if you lock yourself in the office with all of their money and stay holed up for two hours while they clean downstairs. (Come to think of it, that’s where the coke is too.)
21. While there’s nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with eye candy, that doesn’t give you the right to slap ‘em on the ass or make jokes about CPR training. We know you didn’t have all that much fun when you were younger but that doesn’t mean you can join in our reindeer games. We chose a job that allows us to indulge in as much sex and drugs as we can handle and you chose to run a business. The only thing that connects us is the industry (barely). Suck it up!
22. Verbally abusing your staff, whether it’s in front of guests or not, is always wrong. Why should they respect you when you don’t reciprocate?
23. Fuck double standards. Treat everyone well but reward staff that go the extra mile. And this doesn’t mean you get to reward yourself first.
24. If you’re coming into an established venue, change what clearly doesn’t work and get rid of the dead weight but leave the rest of it the hell alone; no tinkering!! This is not play-time.
25. Every owner/manager should have an understanding of each part of their business. Spend a week as a busser and you’ll be a better man for it.
If you don’t work in the service industry, you might be tempted to think I’m exaggerating. While humor obviously plays a part in this list, there are many restaurants operating right now that have no respect for their staff. O’Grady’s on Church, owned by Jimmy Georgoulis, is, by my count, guilty of at least half of these. (Full disclosure, I worked there for nearly three months so I know of what I speak.) On the Toronto Restaurant Blacklist, a Facebook group dedicated to complaining about staff exploitation, O’Grady’s is the biggest offender. Where there’s smoke…
While some of my don’ts will probably never change, I can’t help but hold out hope for a future where serving is seen as an honorable profession and they become standard practice. Many of them have been reiterated by colleagues from all sorts of establishments and I’d like to thank Erin, the bartender at Hoops Sports Bar & Grill (my local at Yonge and Carlton, go have a drink on Sunday) for suggesting some particularly good ones.
Like in any business, those who fail to heed the bottom line will pay for it but treating the people who support you well, staff and guests alike, is just as important.
—
(Image: “The Brains” by Thomas Nast.)
Review: Everyday Drinking – The Distilled Kingsley Amis
Jan/100
First of all, you should know that Kingsley Amis was a bit of an elitist, a misanthrope and a out-and-out curmudgeon. He didn’t have much time for women in a monogamous sense (as both of his marriages show) but he did spend a lot of time drinking (when he wasn’t writing) and Everyday Drinking – The Distilled Kingsley Amis is a fairly good example of the dedication an amateur can bring to the subject (whilst being pretty sad all the same)
Amis was not a nerd but he was very much an enthusiast and one with definite opinions on the rights and wrongs of drinking. He was also a massive alcoholic and, as Christopher Hitchen says in the introduction, ” the booze got him in the end, and robbed him of his wit and charm as well as of his health.”
Still, with that in mind, perhaps the best way to approach this collection is with some understanding of the man and the era he came from. Sure, there’s some information here that is wrong (morally or factually) but there’s a lot to enjoy here as well. Amis may have been many things and not all of them were “nice” but he did know what he liked and what he didn’t like and he appreciated others who felt similarly:
“I dislike men and women when they are cold-hearted (a reserved manner is okay), unpleasant to those who can’t hit back (waiters, etc.), unable to allow others to finish a sentence, stingy, disinclined to listen to reason and fact, bad hosts, bad guests, affected, racialist, intolerant of homosexuality, anti-British, members of the New Left, passively boring.” (from The Letters of Kingsley Amis, ed. by Zachary Leader, 2002)
There. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, perhaps we can go on to the book itself. Divided into three sections, On Drink, Everyday Drinking and How’s Your Glass?, it covers a wide variety of topics that interested Kingsley: literature on booze, recipes, being British, the decline of pubs, what kind of bar tools and products you’ll need, purchasing and serving wine, being both a good and bad host (and guest), how not to get drunk and (when that invariably fails) dealing with the inevitable hangover.
The last section is dominated entirely by quizzes that will test your knowledge of alcohol. Most people have found this part of the book boring but I quite enjoyed it; I guess this is where my inner nerd (and Amis’ too) comes out.
I particularly enjoyed his list of G.P (General Principles). Some of the best include:
1: Up to a point (i.e. short of offering your guests one of those Balkan plonks marketed as wine, Cyprus sherry, poteen and the like), go for quantity rather than quality.
4: For any liquor that is going to be mixed with fruit juices, vegetable juices, etc., sweetening, strongly flavoured cordials and the like, go for the cheapest reliable article.
7: Never despise a drink because it is easy to make and/or uses commercial mixes. Unquestioning devotion to authenticity is, in any department of life, a mark of the naïve–or worse.
8: Careful preparation will render a poor wine just tolerable and a very nice wine excellent. Skimping it will diminish a pretty fair wine to all right and a superb wine to merely bloody good.
These four have a lot to offer the modern consumer who is often tempted to go to extremes when it comes to purchasing booze and then gets upset when the product doesn’t match up to their expectations. Amis is quite right; don’t spend too much at the expense of getting the good stuff, buy the cheapest of the best, don’t be pretentious and make sure you prepare your drinks well.
Amis was at his best when he was cutting and dismissive. On Canadian whisky:
I can’t help thinking that the Canadians are a great crowd, but are perhaps the only people who could have produced a boring whisky.
He is less kind to the Irish:
The idea of medieval Irishmen inventing a rather complicated technique like that of distilling, or anything at all for that matter, is hard to credit.
On the Pina Colada:
Just the thing for a little 95-IQ female, fresh from a spell on the back of the bike, to suck at while her escort plunges grunting at the fruit machine. Mind you, he’ll be no ornament to his sex either, quite likely clutching a lager and lime–an exit application from the human race if there ever was one.
On being asked about what you think of the wine:
If asked what you think, say breezingly, “Jolly good,” as though you always say that whatever it’s like. This may suggest that your mind’s on higher things than wine, like gin or sex.
While Amis was fond of the classics (he counts a martini, gin of course, as the best cocktail around) he displayed a fairly remarkable ingenuity for getting the most of out what he had around him. He wouldn’t have been into mixology in the slightest, viewing drinking as an everyday pleasure, but he did appreciate good ingredients, prepared carefully, and who can’t get behind that?
In short, this book is perfect for those who enjoy a bit of British wit, don’t mind some stuffiness here and there and are willing to overlook his hypocrisies. There’s a lot of interesting information here, both historically-speaking and for the bartender-at-home. Amis does have his moments of clarity and the best advice he offers is at the end of of On Drink:
Well–if you want to behave better and feel better, the only absolutely certain method is drinking less. But to find out how to do that, you will have to find a more expert expert than I shall ever be.
Spoken like a true sot.
—
(For a different take on the book, read John Crace of The Guardian, which is also where I happened to find this rather excellent illustration by Neal Fox.)
Important cocktails of the past decade + eighteen other links
Jan/100
Robert Simonson of the New York Times looks back at a decade of innovation (and reinvention) when it comes to cocktails. St. Germain is indeed one of the most interesting liqueurs to hit the market lately and I really dig the idea of “bartender’s choice” as an option on a drink menu.
Dana Rourke of the Live Organic Food Bar (located at Spadina and Dupont) shares her recipe for The London, a drink that you can feel good about imbibing, with The Toronto Star. To no one’s surprise, moderation is still the key.
Matthew Biancaniello’s an inspiration for anyone who’s gotten sick of the grind and taken up bartending because they’re an enthusiast (I can’t be the only one). His concoctions sound pretty interesting too…
For those of you who want to take a harder edge to your drinking, CAMH has released an online test that may help you get a handle on your drinking. Apparently, I drink more than 96% of males, aged 25-34, in Canada. I also spent over 1,700 hours under the influence of alcohol in 2009. Moving on!
Researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine and the Indiana University have found a molecule that may repair the enzyme mutation that causes people of Asian descent to get flushed faces when they drink. It does other stuff too (like cause cancer and neurodegenerative diseases) so this seems pretty important.
Jason Wilson of The Washington Post looks at rare cognacs. If it’s all about the bottle, how is this different from collecting any other kind of antique? I’m not sure what the deal is with spirits this expensive but an “indescribable” taste sure sounds interesting.
If you’re tired of creamy chocolate liqueurs, this Austrian spirit looks like just the thing to reverse that trend.
In need of some wintery cocktails? Cocktail Virgin Slut offers up some Boston Grog, Drink Snob has Writer’s Block while White On Rice Couple is all about the Sidecar Fizz.
Over at SLOSHED! they have a list of the ten most popular posts on their site for 2009. There are some really good recipes to be found so have a look.
For those of us who drink beer, here’s a handy flow-chart for determining which brand to go for (and yes, no one should ever be caught drinking lime-flavored beer). Once you figure that out, you can play Beer Battleship.
According to The Guardian, bigger whisky makers are feeling the pinch and have been shutting down plants in Scotland. With all the great new whiskies around, I can’t say I really care. If anything, this is a warning against getting too big and being bought out by a company like Diageo.
Beer companies aren’t really paying attention. Heineken now owns the Tecate, Dos Equis and Sol brands which it must hope will give it a leg up on Grupo Modelo (Parent company of Corona. Interesting sidenote: Anheuser-Busch owns half of GM.).
This follows an incredibly-sad statement in The Globe And Mail by Richard Musson, the vice-president of marketing for Labatt, who said that “in the end, what pays the bills is Budweiser.” Truer words were never spoken. Fuck innovation, let’s acquire someone else’s credibility.
Gothic Epicures VinCuisine has put together a handy list of all the best-value red and white wines for under $20 in the 2010 LCBO Vintages release.
While this cellar is presented as an “awesome” idea for storing beer, it would work so much better for wine. Still, it looks good.
Rachel Maddow makes a cocktail
Jan/100
I love Rachel Maddow. Here, she teaches you how to make the Jack Rose with a healthy dose of snark.
Peter Peter Peter Peter. That is all.
Holiday gluttony with beer and whisky!
Dec/090
Although I spent Christmas Eve and Day at my apartment, my mum picked me up on Boxing Day to spend the next four days at their house in Bowmanville with the rest of the family.
Most of our get-togethers revolve around food and drink but I can’t remember one where we got so into it. I arrived to find a fridge full of beer; pretty much anything you could think of. There was Duchy Organic Ale, Westephaner HefeWieiss, Rogue Yellow Snow, Lowenbrau, Warsteiner, La Fin du Monde, Beau’s Lug Tread (which is now available at the LCBO!) and Fuller’s Vintage Ale 2009. The latter two were particularly good with Beau’s being a dry, crisp lager and the Vintage Ale surprising me with it’s almost-sweet alcohol taste reminiscent of cognac.
We made our way through most of that on the first day and went out to resupply on day two. I picked up a bottle of Century Reserve 15 Year Old Rye (discontinued and unavailable in Toronto) and a six-pack of assorted tallboys. Thus suitably supplied, we settled down for some serious drinking, punctuated by some terrific meals and snacks.
One of my favorite things were the ham-and-cheese sliders! Taking these 3/4-baked buns from Metro, we put em in the oven with a basting of butter and after they browned, we filled them with whatever we had on hand which, in this case, was ham, roast beef, cheese, mustards, chutneys and mango hot sauce (although not all of those at once).
I tried a number of combos but my favorites were the ham/gruyere/mango hot sauce and the ham/brie/sweet tomato chutney. (There was nothing wrong with the ham/applewood cheddar/mustard combo but it definitely ranked third.) When I open my own place, I’m definitely going to have to feature these on the menu. Dead-easy to make and delicious; the perfect bar snack!
Over a couple of dinners (including the obligatory-but-completely-necessary turkey) we tried a number of interesting wines selected by my mum as well. I finally got to try Le Clos Jordanne Pinot Noir and I found it to be smooth with a bit of the sour cherry/currant flavor; it had excellent length. There was also a white from Sancerre but I can’t remember the name of it for the life of me… it was quite nice though.
We had a fairly challenging whisky-tasting. The contenders were Balvenie Signature 12 Year Old, Dun Bheagan 8 Year Old, Century Reserve 15 Year Old and Tyrconnel Single Malt. The first two being Scottish with the latter being Canadian and Irish, respectively, we had no idea what to expect or even if it was fair to compare these four whiskies.
Needless to say, we got right to it. We started with the Canadian whisky which was much sweeter than I remembered it, even on the nose. We nibbled on some Christmas cake which was a pretty decent accompaniment. If someone was afraid of whisky, I’d definitely give ‘em a sip of this. As it is, it didn’t have enough “oomph” for me.
Next up was the Tyrconnell which was quite a bit rougher but only in comparison to the Century Reserve. Relatively smooth and creamy for a single malt, it was perfectly decent but didn’t stand out. There was no complexity, one gets a lot of malt and it finishes rather quickly. I prefer Tea Bheag myself.
Next up was the Balvenie and it was clear to see that we had stepped into the company of masters here. Heady and complex, there was something new to appreciate in each and every sip with spice, sherry and honey. While there was a bit of smoke, it was held firmly in check and the finish was clean and strong. Honestly, I didn’t want to go on but we had one more…
And what a monster! Dun Bheagan’s Limited Edition was full of peat and smoke and fire. While rather smooth, at least when you like this sort of thing, it’s definitely not for the faint-hearted. It left me feeling warm and fuzzy for a couple of hours or maybe that was just the cumulative affect of all of that whisky.
To top it off, I got a bottle of Mount Gay’s Extra Old Rum and Canadou’s cane syrup which leaves me relatively well-stocked for January. I’m not really feeling like making mojitos so I think I’m going to have to whip up a fresh batch of orgeat and go for a Mai Tai!
I leave you with two recipes I came up with Christmas Day while working. A quartet of ladies came in at the last minute and while they didn’t want to eat, they did want to drink and were kind enough to leave the choice up to me.
NO. 4
1 oz Bacardi White rum
1/4 oz Malibu rum
1/4 oz Galliano
1/4 oz Midori Melon
1/4 oz Peach schnapps
3 oz pineapple juice
splash of Bol’s Blue Curacao
splash Angostura Bitters
Shake the first five ingredients. Take a hurricane glass filled with ice and pour the curacao until it collects at the bottom. Add a couple splashes of the bitters and then top up the glass with the contents of the shaker. Garnish with an cherry wrapped in an orange slice for that ultra-cheesy look.
NO. 5
1 oz Wiser’s Reserve
1 oz Frangelico
1 egg white
3 oz of 18% cream
nutmeg
Shake the first four ingredients and pour them into a rocks glass. Add a dash of nutmeg on top.
The first cocktail is my take on a cheesy 90’s-style “tropical” cocktail. Obviously, the better ingredients you use, the better it’ll taste. The second one is much like eggnog but lighter and not quite as sugary. Both are nothing new but a lot of fun to make.
Enjoy the rest of your holidays!
The best booze to buy for New Year’s Eve
Dec/091
Now that you know when you can buy booze this season, it’s time to figure out the best options out there no matter what your tipple. And seeing as we’re all broke-as-fuck from buying too many Christmas presents and engaging in a variety of holiday activities, I’m all about getting you the most bang for your buck.
(All of my selections have been carefully-vetted through the time-honored process of me getting drunk with my friends. It’s the only way to go.)
Wine
While I know that I don’t focus much on wine on this blog, I do buy and consume a lot of it. My go-to red of the moment is the Fuzion Alta Malbec Reserva. Smooth and fruity, it’s medium body makes it a perfectly-acceptable sofa companion or accompaniment to a meal. I have to agree with the LCBO; this is a terrific value at $9.95.
My choice for white is the Cono Sur Viognier ($14.95). This varietal is meant to be drunk right away and with a fruity aroma that belies its low acidity, it’s easy to do just that either with spicy food or as an aperitif. Soft and well-balanced, it’ll set you back a bit more (and it’s not as easy to find as the red above) but it’s well worth it. (If you can, try and find the “Vision” version of this release. It’s just like this but even better.)
As far as bubblies go, I’m going to have to stick with the Hungaria Grande Cuvée Brut ($11.90). Outperforming sparkling wines twice its price, it’ll still be good when you whip up some mimosas on New Years Day.
Beer
Folks can be notoriously recalcitrant when it comes to trying new beer so it’s best to have three or so types on hand. The trick is to pick three that are attractive enough to persuade ‘em to switch it up. The following will definitely do the trick…
Brooklyn Brewery’s Black Chocolate Stout (355 mL, 10% ABV, $2.60) is the quite simply the best beer of its kind to come along in ages. Young’s Double Chocolate Stout notwithstanding, this is a serious contender that is dangerously-easy to drink. Like a creamy dark chocolate truffle, this stout is neither too malty or bitter and will leave you feeling pretty warm by the time you finish your third bottle. Do yourself a favor and pick up a case at Queen’s Quay LCBO. Most other locations will have a couple bottles lying around but it’ll be gone soon enough and this stuff is meant to last for years.
Flying Monkey’s Hoptical Illusion (6×355 mL, 5 %ABV, $11.95) is also a solid purchase. For those who like their beer hoppy, this brewery admirably steps into that role while still being approachable. While not as complex as Mike Duggan’s No. 9, you can buy twelve of these and that’s all you’ll really need. I like to think of this beer as a good opener for people intimidated by really bitter beers.
Lastly, for those who need a lager look no further than Estrella Damm (500 mL, 4.6% ABV, $2.25). I’ve heard all the arguments about imported macro-lagers and I simply don’t care. This beer is incredibly crisp and doesn’t skimp on the carbonation. The best part is it has none of those weird, lingering aftertastes that ruin the finish of so many domestic macro-lagers. I’ll take a dry finish when I’m drinking all night…
Spirits
The thing to remember is that one wants to stay in the sweet spot between local derivatives (Smirnoff), overpriced imports (Grey Goose) and trendy tangents (pretty much any flavored vodka). Think a smaller company with something to prove and you’ll probably find a decent spirit.
‘Tis the season for whiskey and rightly so! While Centennial 10 Year Old is still my favorite and best value to boot, it’s getting increasingly harder to find and it wouldn’t surprise me if it’s gone before we’re even halfway through winter. With that in mind, I’d go across the pond and pick up a bottle of Teacher’s Highland Cream ($24.95 or Té Bheag. The former is an acceptable mixer while the latter is worth the extra $11 if you’re going to be drinking it neat.
Vodka-wise, I’d still pick up a bottle of Zubrowka Bison Vodka. For those who don’t like their vodka aromatic, a bottle ifIceberg will do and it’s only $23.
Broker’s Premium London Dry is fairly good gin and a steal at $24.60.
One has a lot of choices when it comes to rum but I prefer to think of it as an opportunity to try something new. Havana Club Anejo Reserva is perfectly acceptable and currently $2 off the $26.95 price tag. Or you could go with the El Dorado 5 Year Old which is only 5 cents more and just as good. Many other rums are available for only $5 more so will get you something even better so evaluate your budget and plan accordingly.
Tequila’s a little trickier. Saddled with some of the most unfair mark-ups I’ve ever seen, you can find amazing tequila in the States for one-third the price but here, the cheapest brands are home-grown and nothing worth writing about. Go for El Jimador’s Reposado ($32.95)or don’t bother getting any.
With all or some of the above, you’ve got the makings of a fine party and you won’t be breaking the bank. Buying everything on this list (with extras when it comes to the wine and beer) will only run you $250. Get 25 of your friends and the party becomes even more affordable.
Just don’t buy the big brands. You don’t need to and most of the time, you’re spending more than you have to.
Holiday hours for buying booze in Toronto
Dec/090
So Christmas is tomorrow, New Years is around the corner and you still need to buy more booze. Obviously, you can’t get anything tomorrow or on New Years Day (for those of who like to extend the party a day or two) and The Beer Hunter’s not much help because of holiday hours.
With that in mind, I thought I’d find out whens and wheres of buying booze in TO for the next week and share it with y’all.
LCBO
No stores will be open on Boxing Day but Dec. 27th will see most stores open from noon till 5pm. Monday to Thursday will also see regular hours of operation but on Thursday, New Years Eve, all stores will close at 6pm. You’re best off hitting up your local store and avoiding the downtown core.
The Beer Store
They’re closed Boxing Day but all stores that normally open on Sundays will do so on Dec. 27th. Just be sure to get there before 5pm. Monday to Wednesday will also see regular hours of operation in effect but they will close on New Year’s Eve at 6pm so don’t leave the party-stocking till the last minute. Better yet, don’t shop at The Beer Store.
Mill St.
There were no holiday hours specified but the retail store is usually open from 11am till 9pm on Saturday. Sunday to Tuesday, it’s 11am till 6pm. Wednesday and Thursday, it’s open from 11am till 8pm. I’d phone ahead.
Steam Whistle
It’s business as usual except on Christmas Day and New Years Day. Boxing Day, they’ll be open from 11am till 6pm. Sunday (the 27th) they close at 5pm and from Monday to Thursday (New Years Eve), they’re open from noon till 6pm.
Amsterdam
Their website says holiday hours are 11am till 9pm so I’m going to assume they’ll be open Boxing Day, at least until 6pm. Monday through Thursday sees them at normal hours of operation which is 11am till 11pm. Call ahead just to be safe.
Wine Rack
Gotta love a store that stays open till 11pm! Despite the lack of decent selection beggars can’t be choosers and I’vewritten about some decent options before so if you’re stuck, hit one up and make do. They should be open from Boxing Day till New Year’s Eve and most of the downtown locations are open till 10pm or 11pm. Check before you head out though.
Vineyards Estate Wines
While there are no holiday hours posted anywhere, it’s a safe bet that if the Loblaws, Metro or Sobey’s they’re in is open, they will be too. They’re generally closed by 6pm.
Should the Ontario government sell the LCBO?
Dec/093
I was quite surprised to read in The Globe and Mail that the Liberal government has hired two banks to look into selling the LCBO and other Crown assets to cover this year’s deficit.
After all, wasn’t this brought up before by Mike Harris et al. (and Ernie Eves before him?) and dismissed when the government realized that selling valuable assets to raise money may help cover their deficit now won’t do much for balancing the budget the next year?
But leaving aside whether it’s smart for the Liberals to divest themselves of one of their best and brightest cash cows, which is best for the citizens of Ontario; sale or no sale?
Judging from the comments on the G&M article, a lot of people are confused as to whether this would be a good thing and while I’m not an unabashed fan of the LCBO, I’m also not about to jump on the privatization bandwagon unless I’m sure that it would really benefit us.
So let’s look at the three of the biggest points being raised and see whether they have any merit or not.
Booze would be cheaper.
Really? That would be nice but most consumers don’t realize is that there In the US, each state has its own laws concerning the distribution and sale of alcohol. Some places are cheaper than others but I still have fond memories of brown-bagging tall-boys in NYC; I went to quite a few variety stores and prices ranged from $1.25 to$2.50 for a Coors Light which is not that radically different but you obviously pay more for the “convenience”. A case of mass-market, domestic beer that costs $36 in Ontario typically costs $22 in Quebec and about $18 in New Jersey.
The reason it’s generally cheaper down in the States has everything to do with taxes. Here in Canada, we pay a 26.5% tax on alcohol which includes a 5.75% liquor mark-up fee. In the US, the percentage of taxes applied to alcohol varies from state to state but they’re nowhere near as high.
I’d be the last person to suggest we get rid of the taxes that pay for our health care system (amongst other things) but I do think the mark-up is ridiculous. Still even if the LCBO were sold and the mark-up was removed, we wouldn’t be looking at the same price levels they have in the States; we would probably be a lot closer to Alberta or Quebec. (Strangely enough, spirits are cheaper in Alberta but wine and beer aren’t. Wine and beer are cheaper in Quebec thanks to provincial subsidies that favor local products.)
And there’s no guarantee the mark-up would disappear. If anything, it’s unlikely it would go anywhere since pricing is regulated by the government to ensure socially-responsible consumption of alcohol which, along with store hours, is one of the primary methods they employ to prevent us from degenerating into a bunch of booze-soaked rummies (so we’re told).
Worse yet, if the entire company was sold and allowed to continue as a monopoly except in private hands, we’d have yet another Beer Store on our hands and you only have to look at Hydro One and the telecom companies to see where that gets the consumer.
Looking at the graph above (snatched from the LCBO website) it’s clear that the LCBO controls too much of market to allow it operate as a second private monopoly, answerable to no one but its stockholders.
The selection would be greater.
Yes and no. While the opportunity for specialists to open shops catering to niche markets is greater, there’d be just as many people carrying the same mass-market swill we see everywhere. With the exception of the bigger stores, most LCBOs only stock what they know consumers in their area will be likely to buy. Most private operations wouldn’t be any different.
One big concern is that while the bigger cities in Ontario would probably have no worse selection than they do now, many smaller towns in outlying areas would see their stores close with no guarantee of any replacement.
The sale of alcohol needs to be controlled.
Deciding who buys booze and when they can buy it is an age-old concern. Some people say there’s no harm in having convenience stores sell beer and wine while others argue that public drunkenness and under-age drinking will become bigger problems.
I’ve always argued that kids should be exposed to alcohol sooner rather than later (presumably limiting all of that surreptitious, binge drinking) but as that’s generally an unpopular opinion to have, I’d also like to point out that those same stores seem to do a pretty good job of preventing kids from smoking too.
Fact is, people will do what they want to do and the best results have always come from education and integration, not prohibition. The laws we already have in place will take care of the egregious offenders; why persecute anyone else?
Despite my beefs with the LCBO, I’ve come to realize that the provincial government is responsible for nearly all of ‘em… the insane mark-up, lack of inter-provincial distribution (where the hell are my Quebec beers and my BC wines?) and inconvenient store hours.
Selling the LCBO doesn’t change any of that.
The powers that be will still regulate the fuck out of whomever’s selling us our booze and unless they decide private operators to cater to niche consumers, we’ll be looking at another monopoly. We don’t need another Beer Store.
What we do need is a reexamination of the liquor laws and regulations that have their background in Ontario’s Scottish-Protestant roots and adjusting them to fit a society that, over the past decade, has become a lot more conscious of when and how they drink, what they want to buy and where they buy it from.
(And a little store downtown selling me limited-release tequila, absinthe and bitters would be nice too.)
2009 Holiday Gift Guide + four other links
Dec/090
Over at Sloshed! they want to make sure that you get the perfect gift this Christmas and I can’t help but agree with their choices. Please… get me some o’ that.
Must be a slow news day over at The National Post ‘cos they’ve got “a short etymology of inebriation” for y’all. Enjoy and employ whenever you feel like appearing excessively clever.
Brewdog from Scotland’s got the strongest beer in the world!
As far as Chowhound’s concerned, you’ve been making your punch all wrong.
And, despite my lack of a camera, I’ve got two very fine recipes to share with you!
First off is a drink I tossed off to a girl I was flirtin’ with online. I’ve never tried it but she said she liked it and so I thought you folks might too. Honestly, it’s never passed my lips but it sounds damned good to me and I’ll buy you a drink myself if it’s shit.
KAT O’ NINE
1 oz rye
1 oz passion fruit juice
splash of Jager
splash of orange juice
Soda water
Fill a highball glass with ice and pour in the first four ingredients. Top up with soda and stir.
Next up is something I made while over at my boy’s house. We were high and he had some interesting bits in his fridge for me to play with.
UNFRIENDLY STRANGER
1 oz sweet vermouth
1 oz Campari (I used this strange soda I’d never seen before but regular Campari would work just as well)
splash of brandy
lemon soda
Fill a highball glass with ice and pour in the first three ingredients. Top up with lemon soda and stir.
Enjoy! The second drink in particular takes some getting used to but it’ll reward you in the end.
How to decide which beer to order
Nov/090
I was at my current local, Hoops Sports Bar & Grill, conveniently located across the street from where I work, and about to order my first brew of the night when I was presented with an unexpected choice.
Sandra, instead of getting me my Rickard’s Red (they’d stopped carrying Mill St. Tankhouse Ale sometime in the fall), told me that the Creemore keg had just been tapped. Now the freshness of a keg doesn’t normally factor into my decision to partake or not but for some reason tonight, it really appealed to me and a set of criteria for ordering beer began to assemble itself in my mind.
1. Is it new or different?
Obviously, the most important question for anyone who truly loves beer. If you’ve never had it before, maybe it’ll be the best one you’ve ever had. Any truly decent bar will have one or two lines devoted to seasonal drafts and you’d have to be daft to pass up the opportunity to sample a pint of Grand River’s Jubilation Spiced Ale, for example. Even if you don’t like it, what’s the harm? You can always pussy out and order half-a-pint anyway…
2. Is it clearly the best beer available?
This is where Mill St. Tankhouse Ale often cleans up for me. Before they stupidly did away with it at Hoops, it was the only beer worth ordering in a line-up that included a full collection of Keith’s products. When it comes to that kind of decision, don’t settle for second-best. The flip-side to this neatly segues into point no. 3 which is:
3. Is it fresh?
It might be the best beer but if hardly anyone ever orders a pint because they’re too busy drinking Keith’s, it might not be up to its full potential. Just like in a restaurant, if you order the special that no one else is having, prepare to be disappointed. One person ordering their favorite beer from time-to-time can take an awfully long while to drain that keg and you don’t want to be the one sampling the lower third of that bastard.
So there you have it. Follow this quick-and-easy set of rules and you’ll probably be happy with whatever beer you end up drinking.
Or not. Maybe you just want a goddamned beer and you won’t even notice the taste because all your throat’s been craving all night is that magical equation of water, malt and hops.
Have at ‘er, I won’t stand in your way.
But for those of you who order a Keith’s, day in and day out, because nothing better comes to mind, try something else. And if I’m serving you, know this… I’m gonna fetch you your shitty beer but I hope it gives you gas and a nasty hangover tomorrow morning.
How to do you decide what you’re going to have?