Hennessy is finally waking up to the fact that not just old dudes are into their product and have released Black, a cognac designed specifically for mixing. Still, aAt $74.95, it’s not really priced like a mixer and I don’t think this will stop me from wincing every time someone orders a Hennessy-and-coke at the bar. |The Globe And Mail|

A bootlegger in PEI has been fined $10,000 for selling beer and liquor from his home. It’s not too clear whether he was making his own or just reselling stuff he bought (not sure how the profit margin would be on that). It’s also funny how uptight we are compared to the States over this sort of thing. We’re still stuck in the last century while they have The American Distilling Institute. |CBC|

I’ve talked about Beefeater 24 before (one of my favorite gins) but if you haven’t tried Frankie Solarik’s 24th Symphony at Barchef, you’re missing out. I had three last time I visited. |Toronto Star|

NYC’s proposed soda tax has floundered due to a duplicitous industry ad campaign that calls it a “tax-grab”. (And our eco fee was just scrapped in a similar fashion. I hope to see these kind of things work in my lifetime.) |The New York Times|

Instead of having to travel all over town to visit your favorite bartenders, a new bar in NYC is cutting the crawl to a destination of one (and they’re bringing their signature drinks too). |The New York Times|

A good restaurant menu is a thing of beauty. Not surprisingly, people analyze this sort of thing. |Travel+Leisure|

While a real maraschino cherry is miles ahead of the toxic-red atrocities we see in most bars, there’s nothing preventing you from experimenting with different types of spirits and cherries. Bourbon is amazing! |The Kitchn|

Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction (boutique/gallery space based out of Philly) makes some of the most interesting and delicious-sounding spirits I’ve ever heard of. Hot on the heels of their Root (an herbal precursor to root beer if you will) is Snap, the liquid equivalent of a ginger snap cookie.

Anyone used to molasses-based rums will find sugarcane rums interesting. Tequila and whisky-lovers will be converted! |SF Gate|

Mezcal is definitely in the running for one of my favorite spirits and with these four cocktail recipes, you’ll find yourself on a whole ‘nother plain of flavour. |A Mountain of Crushed Ice|

I will very rarely pay more than $20 for wine (unless it’s an Amarone or Barolo, maybe a Champagne) so I’m always down for news of good value to be had. #10 is particularly nice. |Postcity.com|

First, there was bacon-flavoured vodka. Now… salmon. I’m just upset that I’ve yet the opportunity to try either. |Today Show|

Some people are tired of intensely-hopped beers and want a simple pale ale or lager. I can understand this. Sometimes, I have a pint of Tankhouse Ale and wouldn’t take another if you bought it for me. Tonight, I had my first Dos Equis and quite enjoyed it. Nothing wrong with that. |The New York Times|

If you don’t drink much (or buy your beer in magnums), the Beer Saver is a handy little silicone cap that will keep it fresh for you until you get back to it.

Knowing when to leave the bar can be a difficult to determine. Yes, there is a flow chart for it. |Sloshspot|

—

(Painting “Cognac at the Pier Room” by Aldo Luongo.)

The G20 has ruined many things for the citizens of Toronto (road closures, school closures, transit delays, the St. Lawrence Market, uprooted trees, loss of income, loss of patio space, removal of bike stands… new annoyances are added everyday) but it’s going a bit too far when the LCBO decides it has to close 7 of its stores from Friday to Saturday.

To be fair, many of the products that would be found at these locations can be found at others but that doesn’t make it right. I guess a trip up to Summerhill is in order… |Toronto Sun|

One thing the G20 can’t ruin is Ontario Craft Beer Week. Besides the numerous events happening all week long, be sure to check out the Session Craft Beer Festival at Sunnyside Pavilion on Saturday (June 26th). |Ontario Craft Brewers|

The ash from Eyjafjallajokull may have never made it this far but Icelandic beer is coming to Toronto! Skjálfti (168393, 500 mL, $3.95) is a hoppy marriage between a pale ale and a lager and both Josh Rubin of The Star and Greg Clow of Taste T.O. dig it. (If you have trouble using the LCBO  website, don’t forget to log on to drinkvine, the best way to scout out new beers and wines in the GTA.) |Toronto Star, Taste T.O.|

If you want proof why marketers should never, ever come up with a beer brand, look no further than Biker Beer a brew produced out of Nickel Brook that came about because a couple attended a rally on their wedding day. Since no self-respecting biker (or human being) will ever drink this product, I’m betting it will come to be regarded as one of the most inane vanity products  in the history of beer ever.

I bet they even have matching beach towels with their initials monogrammed on ‘em. |Toronto Sun|

Despite what this blog might be saying, you can tell the difference between different wines and the distance between good and bad wine can be pretty fucking far indeed. Just don’t be a pretentious twit. |You Are Not Smart|

Conflict Kitchen is performance art masquerading as a take-out joint. Taking a country that the United States currently has a beef with, it will serve a signature dish and with everyone happily sated, will offer potential dialog in the form of “events, performances and discussions”. Afghanistan is the first subject and we’ll I’ve never tried kubideh (anyone want to make a road trip to Kabul Farms?) I’m always in favor of exposing people to new street-food. |Kubideh Kitchen|

Everyone knows red-heads are where it’s at so y’all will undoubtedly go for the Scarlet Harlot, a cocktail that combines brandy, Red Dubonnet and cherries in a most-pleasing manner. |CHOW|

Making drinks is easy; coming up with a catchy name for ‘em can often be an exercise in futility. (Here’s an easy formula: Take equal parts funny, sleazy and literary and add a touch of cheese. Voila… the Penelope Cruiser!) |New York Times|

People have added everything they possibly could to cocktails so far; why not minerals? |The Atlantic|

Summer drinks are the best kind of drinks there are! Go fresh and you’ll never be wrong… We have a Raspberry Mojito, a Cucumber Gimlet and a Watermelon Margarita. |à la carte kitchen, Crumpets and Cakes, SLOSHED!|

If, like me, you’re going to stick with the same damned drink all year-round, it’s probably a Manhattan and you should make your own Maraschino (‘ski’ not ‘she’) cherries. |Cocktaliana|

Hell, go a bit further and go for the DIY Home Bar. Make brandied cherries, grenadine syrup, falernum, cocktail onions and orange bitters. It doesn’t get much better than that. |CHOW|

Get this book for the alcoholic curmudgeon in your life (and that would be me). |The Pegu Blog|

For those of us who like doing our drinking outside, it behooves us to plan accordingly. This cunning diagram demonstrates exactly how to best to pack a cooler and the secret ingredient is killer! |Valet|

Details are scarce but I can tell you a few things. Emma Brown and Scott Rondeau (co-founder of the Toronto Festival of Beer) of Power Juncture, a Toronto-based events company are behind this one and with 2010 being its second year, hopefully they have some of the kinks worked out.

There’s going to be loads of food and booze. With around 40-50 vendors serving up all manner of alcoholic beverages and food to pair ‘em worth, you’re going to need to make a pit-stop at Cherry Beach just to give yourself time to digest! Notable attendees include Beau’s All-Natural Brewing Company, Innis & Gunn, Kado Enterprise (sake), Victoria Gin, and Mill Street (naturally).

It’s low-key. With less people and a bit of a more mature atmosphere expect less drunken debauchery and line-ups.

The whole thing’s outdoors. It looks like the shitty weather we’ve been experiencing is on its way out and I can’t imagine a better way of spending a Saturday afternoon. Overall, I think the Distillery District is a decent place to hang out.

It’s a pretty good deal. $22 gets you in and with your admission comes 5 vouchers good for whatever food and drink you might want. Additional vouchers cost a buck.

The festival is running Thursday and Friday, from 6 to 11pm. Saturday, its open from 12 to 5pm and it’s back to the regular evening schedule for Sunday.

If you’re going to buy tickets at the event, they’ll run you $30 so buy them online or you can pick  up two for $22 through Groupon but act fast ‘cos that deal’s done in eight hours.

To get there, take the Parliament St. bus south until you reach Mill St.

I’ll be out there on Saturday so if you see me, say hi!

1. Pink Gin-and-Tonic

One of my favorite cocktails made so much better with the inclusion of Fever-Tree Tonic Water.

2. Dark-and-Stormy

Because I’ve been drinking ginger beer since I was little.

3. Mai Tai

It’s so hard to find a good one and we’re lucky to have three or four bars in Toronto who do it justice. The quinessential island drink.

4. Black Velvet

A bit of an oddball choice but I really enjoy ‘em.

5. Manhattan

Always a Manhattan, never a Martini. I can’t help which camp I fall in… What are your desert island cocktails? |The Kitchn|

James Chatto’s swan song for Toronto Life finds him celebrating the architects of the current renaissance our city’s cocktail culture is currently reaping the benefits of. Having finally gotten around to visiting Barchef, I think I need to make my way to both the Black Hoof and Ame. |Toronto Life|

Malcolm Gladwell wonders why we’re surprised when we treat drinkers like sex-and-violence-crazed ruffians and then they behave that way. His idea of using culture to constrain our expectations surrounding the consumption of alcohol has merit. |Toronto Life|

Speaking of ruffians, the City of Toronto has approved temporary changes to the serving hours for bars during the World Cup. You’ll be able to get your booze one, whole hour earlier! |blogTO|

What the city giveth it taketh away… Any bars and restaurants within the G20 security zone will have their patios closed for the two weeks of the summit. I agree with Adam Vaughan on how poorly this has been planned regarding the needs of the city. Makes me wanna strap on a bandanna and start some shit! |CTV Toronto|

Aluminium cans are actually far worse for the environment than bottles when you factor in strip mining.  I never really thought about it but it makes sense to me. Apparently, places like Jamaica and Ghana are hit really hard by this. |Nor Cal Beer Guide|

Instead of buying ginger beer for your Dark-and-Stormys make some. It’s dead-easy and if you have any flip-top bottles lying around, they make for the perfect receptacle. Bonus: The strawberry consommé recipe just below is delicious as well! |Design*Sponge|

Rachel Maddow makes a Manhattan! I agree with her on the heavy-handed use of bitters and the omission of the cherry. |sis. boom. [blog!]|

In related news, smart people drink more alcohol. I’m sure she would agree. |Gawker|

Depending on the cocktail you’re making, you might want to use a different shake. Every bartender has their own twists but knowing how long and, more importantly, when to shake can be key. |StarChefs|

In a round-up of this week’s interesting recipes, we have the Flor de Jalisco (think a margarita with marmalade and agave nectar in place of triple sec), the Sake and Raspberry Sorbet Cocktail (not a fan of blended drinks but this looks  tarty enough),  the Rhubarberol (my second favorite thing to come out of spring after fiddleheads) and the Sleepyhead (you can never have enough ginger). |SLOSHED!, Lemons and Anchovies, Houseboat Eats, Imbibe|

When trying to beat the heat, poor gin and sugary tonic water will be the death of you. Up your game and bask in glowing praise from your friends and grudging admiration from your enemies (if your the sort of fellow who drinks with ‘em)!

First, choose a gin. In this case, I was quite unable to resist Zuidam Jonge Graan Genever (660928, 500 mL, $24.95). Triple-distilled from equal parts rye, corn and malted barley before being distilled again with a variety of botanicals, it’s clear from the first sip that this is no London dry gin. The malt tones are much more evident and then you get the juniper and liquorice. It’s big and spicy but very clean and smooth indeed.

I’d read somewhere that genever is traditionally taken chilled but my friend and I didn’t have time for that. After the requisite sipped quarter shot, I decided to whip us up a couple of gin and tonics.

For my mixer, I’d gotten a pack of Fever-Tree Tonic Water (you can find it at The Big Carrot and maybe some other high-end grocery stores). Much like the Zuidam, this is very clean and soft with a high level of carbonation and none of the sweetness you get in many of its mass-market cousins. My limes were nothing special and if there was anywhere I was cheating myself, it was with the ice which was made from filtered tap-water. (One important thing to remember with limes (or any citrus) is to roll them under the palm of your hand before cutting and squeezing them. It helps release the juices.)

I was expecting a refined drink and suffice it to say, was not disappointed. This genever and tonic is all smooth curves and lightness on the tongue. It will please those who don’t like gin and delight those who do.

GENEVER AND TONIC

1.5 oz Zuidam Jonge Graan Genever

4 oz Fever-Tree Tonic Water

.5 oz lime juice

Squeeze half a lime into a rocks glass filled with ice. Add the genever and the tonic.

While I’m still enamored with Hendrick’s and Beefeater 24, I think Zuidam’s is a fine alternative to whatever gin you might be used to. As well, the flavor profile is markedly different enough to give new life to whatever gin-based cocktail you might fancy.

If, like me, you’re inordinately fond of Pink Gins, throw a good three to four splashes of Angostura Bitters in there and you may very well never go back to classic version.

Doesn’t that look refreshing? You know you want one!

Whatever… It’s a good idea. Promoting wines grown and cellared in Ontario and protecting our greenbelt by making vineyards economically-viable productions sounds a whole lot better to me than adding to the coffers of the Canadian arm of a multinational corporation that buys wine in bulk overseas to blend with its local product.

The big boys do have a point though. Without a concerted effort to educate consumers on why they should be taking a second look at VQA, they may very well heed the call of the bottom line and buy foreign wine.

Also, this change needs to extend to the LCBO. Give VQA even more shelf space and extend the selection to include vineyards who were excluded before because of their smaller production runs. Only so many people will pay attention to ad campaigns; making a change at the end of the line could have a far greater impact.

(If you want a real laugh, read some of the comments left by readers of the article, howling with outrage over another tax… These people are truly and utterly without a clue.) |The Globe And Mail|

While I’m not a big fan of the trend towards noisy restaurants with minimal padding, the science behind why this makes people drink more certainly rings true. Apparently, people eat and drink faster when sonically assaulted because they want to get the hell out of there which results in bigger profits for the owner.

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned but doesn’t this seem like a bad idea? How does this create a pleasurable dining experience? I fucking hate the music at Jack Astor’s; if you’re right under a speaker it’s nearly impossible to converse with the person next to you. I’ll take an old-school bistro with small two-tops any day. |The Daily Beast|

It gives me quite a bit of pleasure to share a cocktail that not only comes from my family’s country but employs a whole lot of their bitters: The Queen’s Park Swizzle. |Rum Dood|

Another classic drink that doesn’t get the attention it deserves is the Blood and Sand. Like Paystyle says, bump up the Scotch and OJ to achieve nirvana. |Happy Hour|

If you love gin as much as I do, you’re gonna love this collection of gin cocktail recipes, freshly-conceived at a recent Thursday Drink Night. |The Mixosoleum|

I’ve broken my fair share of glassware while washing it so sponges that are shaped to clean ‘em perfectly seems like a good idea to me. |The Spoon Sisters|

Ready to move beyond buying your beer in bottles/cans but not into the idea of brewing your own (it’s not that hard but whatever)? Build a kegerator! |Kegerators.com|

Down in New Orleans, this museum turns into a bar at night. They even tie in the cocktails with the exhibits! This is much better (and a hell of a lot more egalitarian) than the AGO’s members-only wine-tastings.|NOLA.com|

Those of us who don’t have access to flying “Upper Class” on Virgin Atlantic have to make do with what we have around us when it comes to drinking on flights. |Jaunted|

And last but not least, impress your friends and pay off hefty bar tabs with this neat trick of opening a beer bottle with a bill. |Wonder How To|

One of my favorite mixes (for an 8oz flask mind you, go for 16oz and be the life of the party!) starts with 6oz of bourbon. Add 1oz of Frangelico, 1oz of Cointreau and a 3 heavy dashes of Angostura bitters and you’re good to go. |NOLA|

Bored with bourbon? Substitute your spirits and be delighted with the infinite variables now open to you! |SF Gate|

A good example of this would be the “Rum Manhattan“. |Eat.Drink.Think|

For those of you who like a little protein with your cocktail, try one of these ten fat-washed cocktails. I’m totally down with the Irish Bacon Sour but maple syrup makes everything better. |Time|

Fruit will always be popular and when combined with gin, you really can’t go wrong with a cocktail like The Bramble. Remember, anything vodka can do, gin can do better. |Science of Drink|

Don’t believe me? Try the Orange Blossom (a far superior Screwdriver). |SLOSHED!|

Moonshine’s not just for country-folk anymore; the nerds have taken over! |The Atlantic||McClatchy|

I love mezcal even more than tequila. It’s smoky deliciousness and I’m digging how it’s starting to get its due. It’ll be the next big thing after rum, mark my words. |The New York Times|

If you were a student (or poor or both) in the first part of the twenty-first century, you probably bought a case of Lakeport at least once or twice. Labatt is closing the Lakeport Brewery in Hamilton and moving its production south-west to London to save money.

They’re not releasing any figures but I’m betting consumers faced with better, equally-cheap options have moved on. |The Globe And Mail|

While Ontarians are losing their jobs, Danish workers are striking because Carlsberg has decided to limit the consumption of beer to lunchtime. Drivers in particular are upset, pointing to a “very old right” to get buzzed on up to three beers per day. |Sky News|

Researchers at Harvard University are saying that a person’s social network may influence their drinking, with folks being “50 percent more likely to drink heavily if a person they are directly connected to drinks heavily and 36 percent more likely to drink heavily if a friend of a friend drinks heavily”.

This is pretty worrying, especially when you factor in that people are 28 percent more likely to jump off a cliff in the presence of their peers. |Sifiy News|

Socially-responsible branding only seems to happen in Canada (and maybe Scandinavia). Over in the EU, two Germans  have received permission to sell their beer which goes by the name of “Fucking Hell”, the former being the name of a small town in Austria and the latter the German term for a pale lager.

The loophole seems to be the absence of a reference to a particular person, group, act or instruction which rules out the half-dozen brands my friends and I came up with one drunken night (everything from “Tranny Surprise” to “Uncle Joe’s Pogrom Ale”) |New Zealand Herald|

While we might have the Toronto Temperance Society, cities down south have been playing this game for awhile: Washington DC has the Columbia Room which, while not having a membership, charges $65 per person for a boozy prix fixe. |The Washington Post|

For those who want the appearance of a speakeasy without the exclusivity, the little town of Bethlehem (Pennsylvania) has The Bookstore, an homage to all things turn-of-the-century. |Lehigh Valley Live|

Or there’s always the top ten most unusual bars in the world. Cover all of your bases. |Travel Vivi|

Beer Goggler: The perfect app for anyone experiencing one night stand regret. |App Shopper|

Or you could just have standards (but you probably wouldn’t have as many good stories). Another useful accessory for saving your seat and/or drink is the Seat Saver, a clever amalgamation of coaster and marker. |Beer Mats Rule!|

—

(Photo taken from Anne Taintor’s website. Go buy a flask from her.)

Flor de Cana 7 Year Old (26286, 750 mL, $30.20)

El Dorado 5 Year Old (894014, 750 mL, $24.80)

El Dorado 15 Year Old (705418, 750 mL, $59.75)

Havana Club Barrel Proof (113159, 700 mL, $55.20)

Havana Club Anejo Reserva (443903, 750 mL, $26.95)

Sailor Jerry Spiced (80127, 750 mL, $28.45)

Wray & Nephew Overproof (326223, 750 mL, $34.95)

Matusalem 15 Year Old Gran Reserva (464222, 750 mL, $39.95)

Pyrat XO (a bit of a cheat ‘cos it’s not available anymore)

Appleton V/X (177808, 750 mL, $23.75)

There are some new rums out there that I have yet to try; Element 8 Gold Rum (135517, 700 mL, $ 59.95), Brugal Gold Label Rum (600502, 750mL, $22.95), Papagayo Fairtrade Organic Golden Rum (118612, 700mL, $26.35) and Sea Wynde Pot Still Rum (162537, 750mL, $49.95).

Of course, with the here-today-gone-tomorrow attitude the LCBO has when it comes to keeping products on their shelves, I’ll probably not get a chance. Anyone tried ‘em yet? |Kaiser Penguin|

For every recipe there can be as many as half-a-dozen alternatives. While we can debate the “trueness” of each one, it makes much more sense to focus on enjoying what works the individual. I like my gin-and-tonics with a healthy dose of Angostura Bitters (an adulterated Pink Gin if you will); it works for me.

As a bartender, I’m sometimes guilty of getting snarky with guests who assign the wrong name or attributes to a cocktail they’ve ordered. It can be difficult to separate ego from adequately satisfying the needs of a guest but I find the best way to sidestep this issue is to ask a series of leading questions in order to establish exactly what it is they want.

You can always make fun of their shitty taste when they’re gone. |Underhill-Lounge|

If you happen to be in Phoenix, check out some of these bars. Last time I was there, I wasn’t even legal. |AZCentral|

On the other hand, if you’re in the Liaoning Province in China and someone offers you a bottle of moonshine, don’t accept… it could have been made from tiger bones! |UPI|

The National Restaurant Association is looking for “signature cocktails” and if they pick yours you’ll get cash and be featured in all sorts of promotions. Judging from the picture on the website, it won’t be much of a contest if they’re using Bacardi flavored-rums. |National Restaurant Association|

For those of us looking for good drinking, look no further than these Kentucky Mimosas. Bourbon and sage? I’m down! |The Bitten Word|

Next time you’re at a halfway-decent bar, try asking for the Bee’s Knees. You won’t be disappointed. |Science of Drink|

Or you could always just get a Zombie. Like most tiki drinks, fresh ingredients will make or break this cocktail so don’t just order one anywhere. Most places that couldn’t make one properly also probably wouldn’t serve more than 3OZ of booze in one sitting so you’re not missing out. |Sippity Sup|

—

(Photo found randomly through Google Image search. Yes, this means I’m not going to credit it.)

I really, really love Jen Kirkman. She’s pretty much always funny but I think she’s even hotter when she’s drunk.

Korean scientists have found that adding oxygen bubbles to alcohol reduces the time needed to recover from a hangover by about half-an-hour. They also found that the effects stack so even if you drink a lot of this booze, the effects of the hangover are not as debilitating and happen with less frequency.

Just what people need. A way to drink more often and not pay for it. Why don’t we just snort alcohol? |i09|

Or you could just chase your whiskey with pickle juice which is what I’ll be doing come next Wednesday (St. Patrick’s Day!!) |The Washington Post|

Tired of shitty cocktails made by bartenders who don’t care? Give a robo-bartender a try! (Or you could just patronize good bars.) |Wired|

If you’ve ever made a bad drink, you probably tried to fix it. Seeing as it’s all about balance, here are some great suggestions for reviving dead-on-arrival cocktails. Ginger beer is so easy but I agree with the bitters comment. If an ingredient always makes a drink better, it is really a cheat? |Kaiser Penguin|

We don’t get any of Sierra Nevada’s line up here but the idea in this article that I find interesting is the idea of a good, solid beer being overlooked when something new and stylish comes along. A good example of that up here would be Black Oak’s Nut Brown Ale. Another example might be Mike Duggan’s No. 9 making Mill Street’s Tankhouse Ale seem bland. |CHOW|

The Barbacoa combines ginger and chipolte among other things. I would imagine the peppers work very well with mezcal and the idea of garnishing with beef jerky gets me all tingly. Can’t wait to try it! |Saveur|

If you’re looking for something a bit sweeter, try the Oh Pear. I’d substitute a scotch for the Irish whiskey and I would necessarily use a pear liqueur (maybe a cinnamon syrup?) but it looks delicious regardless. |Imbibe|

I really like the cocktail pitcher but several of these bar tools are must-haves for entertaining at home. Square ice cube trays really are essential. |Valet|

Pharmaceutical companies are looking at treating moderate alcohol addiction and a number of medications are being developed. I don’t have much to say about this because I probably fall into this category. |National Post|

Now hold on, you say. I heard that regular drinking is good for you. All well and good and but another study has found that binges undo all of the good work accomplished by your daily glass of wine. |National Post|

Herbsaint 2.0. Now with a whole lot more swagger. |NY Times|

Combine two of my favorite things and what do you have? Grapefruit bitters! I can’t wait to try this in a Pink Gin… |Real Food Made Easy|

Here’s an interesting interview with Kevin Brauch, otherwise known as The Thirsty Traveler. Friend of mine recently went to some food show and apparently he was pissed by 11AM. |Toronto Star|

Christine Sismondo shares her recipe for the Tokyo Rose which will be featured on the menu at the Toronto Temperance Society. Everyone should have pomegranate syrup at home. No Grenadine, no excuses! |Toronto Star|

In the U.S., they’re well in the middle of a rum revival. How long before we get a proper tiki bar in Toronto? Would it even fly?? |Associated Press|

Or how to entertain at home and make it look effortless.

I’ve been throwing parties since I was a wet-behind-the-ears freshman at art school. Back then, it consisted of a couple 24s of the cheapest beer I could find, a bottle of vodka and some insanely-sweet liqueurs and potent mix of classmates and club-kids. Nudity was a foregone conclusion and the three bedrooms in the house were valuable territories with no-man’s land being the long, narrow hallway.

As always, things change, people grow up (somewhat), you have more money to throw around and your tastes become simultaneously more refined and debauched.

Some things, however, remain the same. Booze + music + crowd = good time. Where it gets interesting is the infinite amount of variables that you can play around with.

Before I wrote this, I Googled for how-to’s and guides and one thing was glaringly evident: the people who throw great parties sure as hell aren’t writing about it. Most of what I found was either incredibly straight or stupid and nearly all of it was useless.

Nobody needs to know how to throw your average get-together or function. A little food and drink and background music will keep squarely within the realm of mostly-forgettable events that serve as social grease for lots of folks.

If you’ve read this far, you probably don’t want that.

While you’re not a frat boy, you haven’t quite given up on life yet. You want your guests to enjoy themselves and you want to have fun.  You don’t want to trash your house (after all, you’ve spent some time and money to get it looking nice like that) and even though you had the foresight to get the next day off from work, you probably want to be in bed by the time the sun comes up. Maybe you even want to make some money.

585 GRRD is here to help.

We started with The Awkward Adolescent Party last year which was exactly what it sounds like. In January, we had Bramazon, which was a birthday for a close friend, Bram. The theme was “excess” so naturally we got dressed up, had a full bar and did all we could to make sure the night lived up to its tag.

Last weekend, we threw Smashed for Timbits, another birthday but for my fellow 585 GRRDer, Ash. The theme (very loosely applied) was “90′s hip hop” and we scaled back the bar to a couple of kegs and Purple Drink which is simply vodka and Kool-Aid. This one featured more of a BYOB element but the bar was empty by about ten in the morning.

By the end of this article, you’re going to be able to see how you can throw the best jam ever (hopefully without getting kicked out of your pad or getting arrested).

THE BAR

There are two types of bars; the open bar and the cash bar.

If you have money, you should be paying for the booze. It’s your night and you invited your friends; man up and be a proper host. If coin is tight, you can always insist everyone BYOB but be prepared for mooches (usually friends of friends) who will clean everyone out.

What kind of booze should you buy? The theme may dictate what you get but not necessarily. One rule I like to hold by is have a couple bottles of the nice stuff on hand (say Cazadores tequila and some Bulleit bourbon) for my room and a basic rail downstairs for the masses. Remember, if you’re giving it away, always pour the first drink for your guests; any subsequent drinks are up to them.

One great way to save on the costs of putting together a comprehensive rail is creating a custom cocktail for your party. This can either be planned or impromptu. The second day of Smashed to Timbits (yes, you read that correctly; its subsequent name may have had something to do with that), I was serving something I cobbled together from some leftovers in the kitchen.

THE BLOOD CLOT

1 oz sweet vermouth

1 oz Crème de cassis

2 dashes of Angostura bitters

3 tablespoons assorted berries

1 pinch ground black pepper

3 oz ginger beer

Using a mortar and pestle, lightly coat the bowl with a dusting of ground, black pepper and throw the berries (thaw them if they’re frozen) in there. Crush the berries into the pepper and then spoon a generous portion into a rocks glass filled with ice. Pour in the vermouth, the cassis and top up with ginger beer. Add the bitters and serve.

I would normally have a photograph of some sort to show you but none of us were in any condition to take one and the name does it justice. Not a pretty cocktail but a tasty, spicy one.

You can’t go wrong with beer and you will probably run out of it. If you have more than 30 people coming, get yourself at least four cases of beer. Get a lager and an ale and don’t settle for the cheap stuff. Alternatively, get at least two cases of good beer and two of the decent kind.

If you’re considering having a cash bar, beer (whether in a can or bottle) is expensive. A 24 of Mill St. Stock Ale will cost you about $42 at The Beer Store. That’s costing you nearly $1.75 a beer so if you’re selling it, you need to charge at least $3 to make it worthwhile. A discount brand like Brave will run you $30 for a 24 which isn’t bad and by the sixth bottle, no one will really care about quality anyway.

Kegs are an incredibly good deal if you can arrange the transportation and can set ‘em up right. A 50L keg from Mill St. goes for $180 (not including the deposit) and contains the equivalent of 149 bottles of beer. With each beer costing you $1.20, you have way more flexibility when it comes to deciding what kind of bar you want to set-up.

Perhaps the best part of a keg is that you can do away with the bartender altogether and sell party-goers an all-you-can-drink cup. The price can be scaled from “covering your costs” to “making some coin” depending on the circumstances and your financial need.

The most important thing to remember with a keg is that you should probably call ahead and make sure whichever brewery you’re dealing with has some to spare. This is even more important if you’re looking for a specific beer. You  should also give it at least a couple of hours to settle so it’s not too foamy when you tap it. If you’re grabbing anything heavier than a 30L keg, you’re probably going to need some help carrying it too.

(The following information will only be of use to you if you live in Toronto but check with your local brewery for information pertinent to your region.)

Steam Whistle charges $78.25 (+ $20 deposit) for a 20L,  $112.95 for 30L and $179.25 for 50L (both $50 deposits). They even deliver throughout the GTA but will tack on a $45 fee. To sweeten the deal they’ll throw in pick-up, a 12kg bag of ice, biodegradable cups, and draft equipment including a tap handle.

Mill Street offers 30L for about $105 and 50L for about $170 (with both having $50 deposits). Last time I went, they were out of hand-pumps which necessitated a ride out to the Bathurst/Dupont Beer Store. You can rent a hand-pump there for $65 ($50 deposit + cleaning fee) and they also have an interesting selection of domestic and foreign brand kegs. It’s pricier (30L of Maudite costs $209.75 and the same of Delirium Tremens costs a whopping $272.85!) but if you want something really tasty, you can’t go wrong. Amsterdam also offers both 30L and 50L kegs at $111 and $179 (+ $50 deposit), respectively.

If you are going to have a basic bar and you don’t want people just helping themselves, you’re going to be manning it all night long unless you get yourself a bartender. Be prepared to pay them and don’t hire your friends unless you both feel comfortable with you being in charge. Offer them at least $100 and free drinks to boot.

Best of all, this frees you up to sell tickets, be the consummate host and have a good time. A good benchmark price for drink tickets is $5 each or 5 for $20. Any more and you should really be throwing this party at a proper venue.

Even if you’re charging, BYOB is a great idea for friends. A terrific way to frame this is by offering to hold all of the booze your friends bring at the bar. That way, they don’t have to bother with mix (and they can switch it up if they like), they get a consistent drink and they know no one’s going to touch it except the bartender.

Within reason, it’s difficult to overestimate how much alcohol you will need. A good bar is vital and running out can stop your shindig dead in its tracks.

In a couple of weeks, I’m going to talk about the crowd you want to attract, how to promote and all the other little things that will make or break your event.

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